Is part of authenticity being open to others?

I started my series of posts on authenticity by looking at our definitions of authenticity. I shared that the core of my own definition is that authenticity is that powerful feeling of being real, and its corollary - the absence of wearing a mask.

With more reflection, I’ve realized that there is another important component of authenticity to me, a component that is critical if we want to not just feel authentic, but make authentic connections with other people.

That other component of authenticity is a genuine openness to others.

Often, part of our motivation for being more authentic (both in job searching an in life in general) is the ability to have better and deeper connections with other people. These more meaningful connections happen when we are being more of our authentic selves.

But there is more to an authentic deep connection than just revealing ourselves – there is also the need to be open to seeing and appreciating the other person. How we treat the authentic self that others share with us is vital to making that connection. If we are not open, but are closed, judgemental, dismissive, and/or lacking in compassion, not only may we injure that possibly fragile self that has been shared with us, we certainly will not be building the trust and comfort that is necessary for a close connection.

Sometimes the discussion about authenticity can feel a bit self-serving. It is all about how to be ourselves so that we feel better. And while that’s important, we are not islands. I’m wondering more and more about what kind of responsibility we each have for how we treat not just our own authentic selves, but also how we treat other people’s authentic selves.

What do you think? How is being open to others related to authenticity?

Attitude and Approach, Authenticity Authenticity, openness, relationships

Happy New Year everyone!

I’d like to start the new year in the spirit of resolutions, with some goals. But not so much goals about what to accomplish in 2010 (get fit, learn to play the piano, etc), but more goals about how to approach the year.

Goals for activities and accomplishments can be great – they give us tangible things to do. But they aren’t the only kinds of goals that can help us make positive changes in our lives and careers.

We can also think about goals for our attitude and approach. How do you want to approach 2010?

In my book, I talk about these attitudes as “anchors” – beliefs and approaches that anchor us and keep us on track.  So here is a brief look at 3 possible anchors for how we approach our careers and job searches (for more discussion on anchors see pages 81-94 of Not for Sale!)

Outlook: Optimism versus pessimism

Your outlook for the future has a significant impact on your job search. There are two basic options for outlook, and they couldn’t be more different from each other. You can look to the future with hope and optimism, or you can look forward with despair and pessimism. When presented with these two choices, I can’t imagine anyone saying “I choose despair and pessimism.” However, when listening to discussions about job search, there’s a whole lot of pessimism around. And while these may be outlooks for the future, they have a strong impact on your feelings and behaviours in the present as you job search.

Opportunity: Abundance versus scarcity

Your beliefs about opportunity – how many opportunities are available, what those opportunities are, and where and how those opportunities are found – are very influential in your job search. If you listen to a lot of people talking about the world of work, you’ll hear it described as a place without enough for everyone. This “scarcity of opportunity” belief is quite popular – and can be quite depressing. The world of work is described as if it is a place with a finite number of job options – and if you can’t grab one of those, then you are out of luck, and that’s all there is. An alternative view of opportunity is that it can never be finite - there is an abundance of opportunity. New work and opportunities are being created all the time.

Job search culture: Cooperation versus competition

Often the culture of job searching is seen as one of fierce competition. Disadvantages of see job search as competitive can include stress from feeling constantly in competition with others and concerns about “not measuring up;” missed opportunities for collaboration because other job seekers are seen as rivals; and the all-too-common experience of feeling isolated and alone in your job search. Instead of maintaining this competitive job search culture, we can choose a different culture – one that focuses on the potential of cooperation. The advantages of focusing on cooperation, such as support, shared resources, and community, are many.

I’m choosing to approach 2010 with optimism, abundance, and cooperation.

What attitudes and outlooks are you using to anchor your career in 2010?

Attitude and Approach, Choice abundance, approach, attitude, job search, Optimism