It’s pretty easy to say ‘let’s all be more authentic,’ but it’s not always so easy to do.

Often it is not as simple as turning on the “authenticity switch” or turning off the “performance switch.”

Like Shrek, we are also onions (remember “Ogres are like onions. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. We both have layers”). We may need to peel away several layers of mask and performance to reveal our core selves.

So how do you peel away those layers?

A few thoughts:

Becoming more conscious of how you feel. Can you tell the difference between when you feel more versus less authentic? How would you describe those two different states? What is different about how one feels versus the other?

Setting clear intentions. It helps to get clear on what you want and then when you enter a particular situation to set a clear intention to do that. For example, simply saying to yourself  “I am going to be authentic at this party”  helps you to make a commitment to yourself and makes it more likely that this is how you will be able to behave. (thank you Leigh Anne a wonderful coach and colleague for thoughts she has shared with me on setting intentions).

Starting small and safe. It can be a lot easier (and less risky) to inch towards more authenticity with people who you already trust and feel safe with.

Those are just three simple strategies for increasing our authenticity – what are things that you have done to peel away the layers and be more authentic?

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There is a lovely story about authenticity on a blog I follow by coach Carly Goldsmith.  Carly shared an experience in which she took a risk, exposed more of her authentic self, and felt all the more powerful because of it. To read her story see her post “Shedding Layers of the False Self .”

Authenticity, Uncategorized Authenticity

Valentine’s Day is one of those days that can bring up mixed emotions. For me, it is a day I kind of like cause I get to give my son an extra kiss, and kind of don’t like because of the commercialism of forced flower and chocolate purchases.

That said, I like to think of Valentine’s Day as a chance to pause and reflect on who and what we love. In this spirit, I bring you thoughts on how to send “a Valentine to your career” with some Q & A with Christine Fader, aka “CareerCupid”.

Cathy: Christine, your book CareerCupid is about how “landing and loving your dream job” is like finding your “dream guy.” How are these similar?

Christine:  What got me connecting the two was realizing how much the processes have in common and when talking to clients and friends, I also kept seeing and hearing one theme:  YEARNING.  Just as we sometimes yearn for a wonderful romantic relationship, we also often yearn for a great career.  We spend so much time at work that, while not required, it can be more pleasant if you actually like what you do.  I use the analogy of romance because in both romantic relationships and careers, there’s some dating involved, sometimes euphoria or dejection, and through it all, there’s the importance of figuring out who you are and what you’re really looking for.  But in every romance and career, it often takes a bit of trial and error before we find the “right” (or right for right now) longer-term partner.  It’s also important to remember that while planning can help, happiness—career or relationship—isn’t always achieved simply because you controlled everything.  Just like in relationships, it also sometimes involves serendipity, timing and being open to finding something completely unexpected that you never thought you’d like. 

Cathy: It’s a neat idea to think about our career exploration as similar to the process of ‘looking for romance.’ If someone is not currently working, what kinds of things might you suggest they be doing to explore career options?

Christine:  Not working is a great time to explore a new career path using tools from the dating world known as “speed dating”, “one-night stands” and “transition guys”.  Career speed dating is another way of talking about networking and it is especially excellent for people who are not working because we sometimes tend to “cocoon” and become less visible when we’re between jobs.  In speed dating, you seek out opportunities to meet people and explore information about work that is mutually interesting.  Use keywords around your interests to find people online, in phone books, in magazines and newspaper articles.  Remember, you’re dating at this point, not job searching.  Sometimes this “speed dating” will lead to an offer of a “career one-night stand” which is where a person invites you to follow them around for part of a day so you can really see what the work is like.  If you think this work is interesting, you might want to move on to “transition guy” which is another way of describing volunteer, short-term or contract work.  This allows you to try out the new work for a short time without making a long-term commitment.  All of these dating tools can help you recognize, appreciate and decide to commit to a dream job when it comes along.

Cathy: What if we’re in a career right now that we are not in love with – what can we do?

Christine: Many people are doing work that’s “okay” but not “wonderful”.  If you get to the point where your current work has lost its sparkle and you’re unhappy about that, consider the following tips:

1)  Collaborate with others on a project – because you’re sharing the load, you often get to choose the bits you find more fun and are skilled at

2)  Take time off – sometimes we forget to give ourselves permission to take vacation or even short-term unpaid leaves to re-charge. 

3)  Get some rest – try scaling back in some areas of your life that you don’t really enjoy.  Use this time to relax, rejuvenate and re-charge in ways that remind you that your work life is not your whole life

4)  Recommit to the work – sometimes work slides down our priority list when other things keep us busy.  Revisit your priorities and shuffle things if needed.   Approach this like a second honeymoon.

5)  Decide if career divorce is your only option – if, after trying all the other suggestions, your job can’t be saved, turn to career dating to start exploring new options.  Be sure to do this outside of working hours so that you aren’t “cheating” on your current job.  You may find new and exciting opportunities.  Or, you may gain a new appreciation for the work you’re currently doing.

Cathy: And what about if we are in a career that we DO like – what can we be thinking about this Valentine’s Day?

Christine: My best advice?  Schedule a career “date night”.  Just like in romantic relationships, it’s easy to forget that you need to actively take care of your career relationship so that it stays happy.  A career date night will look different for everyone but might include one or some of the following ideas: 

1)  Find a mentor in (or outside) your field and meet that person once a month for dinner or coffee to trade inspiration and advice

2)  Continue your education in the field by attending courses, seminars, or conferences.  Listen to speakers to get you re-inspired and re-focused on what you do.  This will not only build your knowledge but help you stay current and will also re-vitalize your work energy

3)  Organize a regular social gathering of colleagues where you can blow off steam and appreciate each other as people

4)  Cross-pollinate with similar organizations or work.  Invite them to learn about what you do.  Peek into what they do.  See where you dove-tail.

5)  Volunteer or work at one-time events to help you gain appreciation for what you do and to tap into more interests and skills you may want to fold into your work in the future.

Cathy: Those are great suggestions - I love the idea of a career “date night.” Now onto my most important question - what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Christine:  As you may have gathered by my book and company name, I’m pretty gushy on a daily basis – no holiday required.  Still, I never turn down a good excuse to be grateful for all the romance—personal and career— that I have been lucky enough to find.  I think I’ll start Valentine’s Day this year by breaking in the new heart and flower-shaped pancake moulds I got for Christmas!  Raspberry pancakes sound romantic, dontcha think?

Cathy: Raspberry pancakes sound delicious! Christine, thanks for your Valentine’s career advice!

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I know some of you who read this blog are career advisors and counsellors. If you will be at the CANNEXUS national career conference next week in Ottawa, Ont. Canada, I would love to see you there. 

I am going to be doing a “meet the author” thing from 3-3:30pm on Monday January 25^th. I’ll be in the exhibitor hall (exactly which table I’m not sure but there will be signage).  

Communicating through the blog is one thing, but having a chance to meet in person quite another. Hope to see you there!

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I sometimes receive requests from other career counsellors for information interviews (and am always delighted when I do). After recently receiving a particular request that was both fun and charming, I started thinking about what makes a good request for an information interview. While there are lots of examples in books of letters you can write for requesting an information interview, it is rare that you get to see an actual request, so I thought it might be very useful and illuminating to see one (especially one that I think is so nicely done).

Here’s how the email I received went:

How does one ask a networking guru for an information interview? I puzzled over this briefly before realizing I know the answer - directly and honestly!  You have actually been on my radar for a while as someone I would like to talk to ever since I heard you speak at a CCIA presentation a few years ago while I was still working at the U of T Career Centre. This summer I saw you mentioned in Mark Franklin’s e-newsletter as having published a book, and now working at Queen’s - and I thought to myself - this must be a sign! But in the chaos of moving home north of Kingston to help my father with renovations and learning to run the family farm I put it on the back burner until the fall. Now as the chaos is finally subsiding, I would love to have the opportunity to meet with you face-to-face for an informal information interview - if you would be interested in meeting with me.I would love to hear more about how you balance your work at Queen’s with your private practice, and your writing. As I am learning to run our small family farm I am realizing that it is not enough - financially or career-wise - and would like to add a missing piece or two to the puzzle. I believe that these pieces are very likely writing and counselling and would love to hear about your experiences and the ensuing wisdom!

Why I love this request:

·         He reminded me of how we had met in the past. This was really helpful. If he had just given his name, I may have been able to place it, but I am much better with faces than names. Remembering where we had met helped me to remember him.

·         It was flattering. I am no “networking guru” and it made me laugh out loud to read that, but, even though I’m sure it was a bit tongue in cheek, it is nice to be complimented. It is nice to know someone thinks they could learn something from you.

·         It was personalized. This is not a request that has been sent out to 25 people – Even if some of it has been copied from other requests, Miguel clearly thought about what to say to me, and personalized this request just to me.

·         The request was clear. What he wanted wasn’t vague – he was clear that he was asking to meet in person to discuss career stuff.

·         Most importantly, it felt really real. (wow “really real” – I think my high school English teacher might have circled that in red). Miguel’s note just feels so authentic. There is a real person who has written it, and the request and comments seen sincere.

This was a great request. Of course I am not representative of everyone – what is compelling to me in a request, may not be exactly what is compelling to another person. But it seems to me that authenticity and sincerity are almost universally appreciated.

PS: Thank you Miguel, for letting me share this with readers.

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Thank you to everyone who has been reading this blog this year. While there is a lot of job search information on the web, most of it seems to fit squarely in the Sales Mindset camp – believers that if you want to find a new job you need to get out there and “sell yourself.”

This blog is different – I believe selling yourself is demoralizing and dehumanizing and I’ve been critiquing that Sales Mindset approach to job search, and exploring alternative ways of thinking. In addition to the publication of my first book, Not for Sale! Why we need a new job search mindset, some of the things that I looked at in 2009 in the blog were:

• The energy of authenticity – a conversation between two people can be so energizing when you are both bringing “you” to the discussion.
• It’s not about the packaging – the huge success of Susan Boyle (first during the Britain’s Got Talent competition and now her CD that’s flying off shelves) is a great story about getting past how someone is “packaged” and looking for the talent and life within.
• Sizzle vs steak – too much job search time is spent polishing the sizzle, too little time is spent discussing the steak. We live in a time when people are desperate for meaning and connection – and that’s what we can be emphasizing not just in our broader lives, but in our job searches as well.
•  Inauthentic networking – too often networking is uncomfortable and disingenuous. It needn’t be that way. We can look for alternatives to a “one-size-fits-all” approach and try connecting with people based on genuine interest. 

It has been a pleasure to explore these topics. Thank you to everyone who has responded with their own thoughts (over email, phone, or in person). Let’s keep this discussion going!

On that note, I just realized recently that my blog was set to only allow comments if you are logged in. I figured out how to turn off this – so you can now more easily post your own thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you and getting your reactions and ideas. 

Happy Holidays to everyone! I’ll be back in 2010 with more thoughts on job searching with integrity

Job search as sales & marketing, Networking, Packaging, Uncategorized job search as sales and marketing, Networking

Ever received a “one size fits all” t-shirt? Over the years I’ve done a number of charity walks and they are a lot of fun and raise a lot of money. But I always dread one part – the t-shirt.

As you register at the walk they give you a t-shirt – to bring everyone together with common garb, to thank you for participating and to recognize sponsors. Now, I like the t-shirt idea, but here’s the thing. I am small – short, petite, tiny frame. And 9 times out of 10, when you get a free t-shirt it is “One size fits all.” As if!!! That one size never fits me!

I want to wear the t-shirt – I want to be part of the group. I want to show my support of the event. But I look like a 5 year old in a tent. Not great for the self-esteem.

Recently I’ve found that event organizers have caught on. Instead of just the one size fits all, they are now bringing multiple sizes. This year at the Superwalk for Parkinsons I got a t-shirt that fits! It was a great day. Instead of one size fits all, they recognized that we are all different sizes, but all want to belong.

So why haven’t we caught on with networking?

Reading networking advice, it is hard not to start believing that there is a one-size-fits-all networker suit that we should all fit into. This ideal networker is that gregarious schmoozer who works the room, with no butterflies in their stomach, nor any hesitation to regale you with their snazzy elevator pitch (see my previous post for more on this). When you try to be this supposed ideal networker, you can feel like you are swimming in a t-shirt that is 6 sizes too big or strangled in one that is 3 sizes too small. It feels awkward and uncomfortable.

We really need to start showing that there are multiple ways to approach networking – and all can be successful.

Not great at cocktail parties? Maybe you are great at staying in touch.

Not good at making cold calls? Maybe you are wonderful at sharing info and support with your colleagues.

Not keen on chit chat? Maybe you do love getting into long in-depth conversations.

And so on.

If we drop the one-size-fits-all approach, could we make multiple approaches that fit all sizes?

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Now I’m wondering what the universe is trying to tell me.

Leaving exercise class tonight I walked out the door to find – my bike gone!

The class is in the hall of a church – a church! of all places, and the bike was right outside the door. Yes, yes, I know I should have locked it up, but the bike is 20 years old, covered in rust, the back brake is broken, and it was at the door of a church!

So within a week, that’s two things stolen (first money at the bank machine, now the bike, and I admit my absent minded role in both). But, really, two in one week! What’s this about?

Is the universe trying to tell me something about dishonesty? That perhaps my “live with integrity and good things will happen” philosophy is hogwash and I better buck up and get real? I have to admit there are days when I do question this. Do you have these days too? Days when you’re trying your best to believe in the best, but then you’re thrown a curveball? Days like last week when I watched the new Michael Moore movie and was crying several times watching how the system had destroyed ordinary hard-working people while rewarding people with little to no integrity. Times when it seems that it is greed and underhanded tactics that get people ahead, not authenticity, integrity, and kindness and respect.

But usually those days are few and far between. More often I see evidence of the opposite. Evidence that being real, and honest, and respectful gets you far further ahead in the ways that matter most.

I don’t want to stray too far from job search stuff in this blog, as that is its focus. But how we see the larger world, and what we think works and doesn’t work, guides how we see the specific stuff of our lives, like how we go about finding a job. I’m working on writing my next book on networking, and there are a lot of choices we can make about how we think we should interact with other people – choices that are influenced by whether or not you’re able to hang onto a philosophy of integrity and authenticity.

So, maybe the universe is throwing these little events my way to stimulate more reflection as I work on dissecting networking and re-constructing into something more authentic. Or maybe it is just throwing some trials at me – the “if your beliefs are strong enough to weather this you know you’re onto something” kind of trials.

Or maybe the universe is just trying to tell me that it was way past time to buy a new bike!

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Over the summer, the local paper has had several great letters to the editor about lost wallets that have been returned, strangers who have helped boost a dead battery, and other stories of people helping people. Wonderful stories of integrity and community.

Yesterday my faith in an honest world was shaken and I’m working on rebuilding it. In the grand scheme of things what happened was a small thing, but interestingly had quite the effect.

It was one of those mornings – you know the kind – when you’ve got a long list of errands and a short amount of time. Meet with bookstore. Meet with insurance broker. Deposit cheques at ATM. Take out cash. Grab groceries. Return books to library. Mail book order. Buy milk.

Arrive home.

After putting away milk, checking and responding to emails, starting to make lunch, I went to my wallet to get out receipts and file them away. And you may be able to guess what I did not find in there. The $60 I had withdrawn from my bank account. I’m not a good enough writer to do justice to explaining the feeling I had. It started as the small and immediate “I’m out $60, I should call the store, I was going to use that for x and y.” I called the store – no one had returned it. After that, the feelings became more global and distressing “Who would take that? Surely they know it belonged to someone else. What kind of world is this?”

That sense of living in a secure and supportive world was gone – instead I felt a bit betrayed and alone. The responsibility for leaving the money there was mine - there didn’t seem to be any problems with the machine, so it was undoubtedly my own fault for being too lost in thought and just forgetting to grab it.

But someone must have seen it and taken it.

These kinds of experiences can make us question our own beliefs about the world – is it basically grounded in integrity and honesty, or neither?

The first reaction to a situation like this is emotional. Once past that first gut emotion, it gets easier to reflect and use the old “put it in perspective.”

So, I’m putting in perspective and remembering that one bad egg doesn’t mean the whole basket is spoiled. Sure, there will be people who will behave in ways I/you don’t agree with. You may bump into them many times through your job search. While there may be “bad eggs,” (and may they be good eggs who just made a bad decision?) there are still plenty of people of honesty and integrity.

A tiny part of me is still hoping to get a call back from the store (“Someone anonymously dropped off $60 they said they found at the ATM yesterday. Must have had a change of conscience”). Whether that happens or not, I’m still believing that at our core, we all want to live with integrity, and that one bad experience is just one bad experience in a sea of better experiences.

Ethics, Integrity, Optimism, Uncategorized

Remember this 60’s song? If I Had a Hammer? (If I had a hammer, I’d hammer out danger, I’d hammer out warning, I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land - seems a little cheesy when written out like that!)

This tune has been playing in my head a lot over the last year as I’ve been thinking about why job search should not be about sales and marketing. And I guess the book I wrote is my hammer.

I got to the point a few years ago when I just had such an internal conflict whenever I said anything like “think of your resume as your personal advertisement” or “before you go to a networking event, be sure to write your 30 second infomercial.” 

So I stopped saying those things, and I spent a lot of time thinking and talking with like-minded colleagues about what felt so bad. To a lot of people, saying “sell yourself to find a job” seems innocuous. It’s just words. But words are not just words. The language we choose sets the whole context and mindset that we operate within. And this sales mindset communicates a lot of things I’m just incredibly uncomfortable with.

I have never seen myself as an advocate, though I have always felt the need to align my actions with my beliefs, and always wanted to make the world a more just and equal place. So when I started writing this book I wasn’t setting out to change the world of job search -  I just wanted to state my own thoughts to help others perhaps think about things in ways they hadn’t before. But to be honest, I really want more than that – I do want to change the way we do things.

I realized that if I had a hammer, I’d knock out all this sales and marketing language and build up a whole new humanistic way of job searching. So I wrote my hammer.

I’ve had some great feedback from both job seekers and career counsellors who have either already been changing things on their own and/or who also want things to be different as we go forward. I would love to have a bigger network of people who are also interested in careers and job searches with more authenticity and integrity. I’d like us to share stories, support, ideas, and connections. I don’t know exactly what that will look like, but I think we’ll create it as we move forward together.

If you’d like to be a part of this conversation, please either comment to this blog posting, or send an email directly to me. Perhaps we can chip away at things with our hammers together.

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